Newt Gingrich and Nancy Pelosi Humor

Nancy Pelosi announced to 

the world that she has

 "DIRT"

 on Newt Gingrich!

***

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... *******************************************

Justin Bieber Beats Kim Kardashian

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... *******************************************

Bumper Sticker

I just put this bumper sticker on my car!

and that's when the fight started...

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Curtis and Leroy ~ First Time Elevator

Curtis and Leroy and their wives were visiting a big city shopping mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
Curtis asked Leroy, "What is this?".
Leroy responded, "I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don`t know what it is!".
While they were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a
wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and they watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up.
They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a voluptuous 24 year old woman stepped out.


Curtis said to his wife, "You try it."

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... ******************************************* 

The Dentist

The Smiths were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Smith made it clear he was in a big hurry.

"No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."

"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"

Mr. Smith turned to his wife Becky. "Show him, honey."


AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... ******************************************* 

Did Anyone See My Face?

A hooded robber burst into a Texas Bank and forced the tellers to load a  sack full of cash. On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and  pulled it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation. He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking  straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence. The Robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?" There are a few moments of utter silence, in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and  said, "My wife got a good look at you."

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... *******************************************

Steve Williams and Tiger Woods

Adam Scoot beat Tiger Woods by 18 shots. Adam won $1.4 million
Tiger's former caddy, now working with Adam Scoott, made 10% or $140 000.
Tiger won $58000.

Perhaps the best 'SHOT' of the tournament wasmade by Williams in a post tournament interview ~

“It’s the greatest week of my life caddying – and I sincerely mean that,” the 47-year-old said. “I have been caddying for more than 30 years now. I have won 145 times and that is the best win of my life… A lot has been said this week and it is great to back it up. I back myself as a frontrunner as a caddie and I have won again.”

Steve Williams to Tiger Woods ~ "I made more money than you at The World Golf Championship!!!!"


AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... *******************************************

Who's the Boss - Fight Starter

Who’s the Boss?

While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess." The girl then continued, "Mommy told me you were the boss because she put you in charge, right?"


AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... *******************************************

Bieber and Gomez Split!

There is speculation that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are no longer a couple.

Justin made a surprise appearance at one of Selena's concerts, where he sang "Cry Me a River." Rumor has it that Selena was not too impressed with the song choice and the lyrics which include, "You were my sun, you were my earth." 

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... *******************************************

The Golfer and His Caddy

Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”

Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”

Caddy: “Eventually.”


Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?”
Caddy: “The way you play, sir, it’s a sin on any day.”

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... *******************************************

Rupert Murdock, Wendi Deng and the Pie Incident

Murdock to Wendi  ~ "Slapping the Pie Guy was easy! Why didn't you slap those arrogant MP's who had the nerve to questione me?"
AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... *******************************************

Who's Talking?

A woman is sitting in the cool of the evening on the veranda with her husband. Suddenly she says gently , “I love you.” He smiles shyly, and asks, “Is that you or the wine talking? She replies, “It’s me…………. talking to the wine.

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... *******************************************

I don't want to use my fork!

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... *******************************************

Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann ~ Who is the Dumbest

DUMB

A lack of intelligence

Not expressed or articulated in sounds or words

Lacking the power of speech

*******

****

You're both wrong, because I'm the Extreme Idiot!

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... *******************************************

Why Choose Celibacy?

What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, my wife and I listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other..”

He then addressed the men,

‘Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?’

I leaned over, touched my wife’s hand gently, and whispered,

‘Robin Hood All-Purpose, isn’t it?’

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED... 
and my life of Celibacy began!
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Sleeping With An Older Woman

AFTER  BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL  LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE  DAY  AND SAID, “Darling, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP  CAR,  SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK  AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT  TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD  GIRL.  NOW I HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I’M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.  IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU’RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.”

and that’s when the fight started…

MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN.  AFTER SHE CALMED DOWN, SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE  TV.

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED, AGAIN... *******************************************

Love and Anesthesia and the Valentine’s Day Fail

Love and Anesthesia and the Valentine’s Day Fail

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...*******************************************

iRon

My wife celebrated her birthday in earlier this month, so I got her an iRon. 

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service

I should be out of the hospital by Monday

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