Dressed for work -Fail!

My wife didn't like the way I dressed for work.

I said, "If I'm working from home, then I can dress any way I want!"

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AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...
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How to cook an Egg!

How to cook an Egg!

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...*******************************************

Iceland Volcano Natural Disaster -Marriage Joke

Iceland Volcano Natural Disaster -Marriage Joke

Small Logo

My wife asked me why I was staring at that football fan.


I said I couldn't read what the logo was!

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

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New Job

I told my wife I got a new JOB!


She was happy until she saw what it involved.


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*AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

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How many camels is my wife worth?

-Trade your wife for camels!

I asked my wife how much she weighed.


She asked why?


I said I was trying to fill out a survey! 


http://camels.evilsun.org/index.php

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

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Girls' Perfect Getaway

  Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls' getaway trip -      
Shopping, casinos, massages, facials, drinks with little umbrellas in    
them, buffets, the whole deal.                                            
                                                                         
                                                                                                                                             
Two days before the group is to leave, Mary's husband puts his foot down  
and tells her she isn't allowed to go.                                                                                                  
                                                                         
                                                                         
Mary's friends are very upset that she can't go, but what can they do?                                                                            
                                                                         
                                                                         
Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the
bar drinking a glass of wine.                                            
                                                                                                                                                 
                                                                         
"Wow, how long have you been here and how did you talk your husband into  
letting you go?"                                                          
                                                                                                                                                 
                                                                         
"Well, I've been here since last night. Yesterday evening I was sitting on
the couch and my husband came up behind me, put his hands over my eyes,  
and said, "Guess Who?"                                                    
                                                                                                                                           
                                                                         
"I pulled his hands off to find all he was wearing was his birthday suit.
He took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room was scented with      
perfume, two dozen roses were laid on the bed, candles lit, and rose      
petals scattered all over the bed... On the bed, he had handcuffs and    
ropes! He told me to tie him up and cuff him to the bed, so I did. Then  
he said,                                                                  
                                                                         
                                                                                                                                               
'Now, you can do whatever you want.'                                      
                                                                                                                                                 
                                                                         
So here I am. 


 

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

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I'm a Fan Now!

I told my wife I would like to get season tickets to the local soccer team's games.


She said, "You never really liked soccer!"


I said, "I do now! I want to enjoy the games with the other fans."





AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

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Baseball Game or Porn?

A man watching a baseball game on TV kept switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple.

“I don’t know whether to watch them or the game,” he said to his wife.

“For heaven’s sake, watch them have sex,” his wife said.”You already know how to play baseball!”

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

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Take out the papers and the Trash

My wife asked, "How come you're always singing that song lately?"


I said, "What song?"


She said, "You know,  


Take out the papers and the trash
Or you don't get no spendin' cash
If you don't scrub that kitchen floor
You ain't gonna rock and roll no more
Yakety yak (don't talk back)"




I said, "No reason!!!"


Then she found this picture on my computer!
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AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

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and then I said, "How come you don't look like that when you take out the trash?"

and that's when the real fight started!

William and Dad

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. 

After dinner, William's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her." 

William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June." 

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, William. I'm awfully sorry about this." 

William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister." 

His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

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WHAT'S HE WORTH?

Jim’s barn burned down. Julie, his wife, called the insurance company and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.”

“Whoa there, just a minute, Julie, it doesn’t work like that. We will assess the value of the building and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.” the agent replied.

Julie, after a pause, said, “Well, in that case, I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...


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