Monday

Blah, Blah, Blah

http://blogs.app.com/saywhat/files/2010/03/blah.gif

My wife said, "You haven't spoken to me in 18 months!"

I said, "I didn't want to interrupt you."


AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

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Sunday

That's some Bull!


name brand sunglasses

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."

The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."



AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

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Monday

My New Job

I told my wife I was going to apply for this guys job!
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AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...


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Saturday

Garage Sales


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My wife came home from her Church Meeting.
She told me they were having a garage/ jumble sale in St Peter's Church Hall. It's a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. 


I said, "What are you going to take?"


She said, "I was thinking about bringing you!"


AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

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Thursday

Seconds Before Death




WARNING! 


GRAPHIC BOATING  PHOTO.



THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN
WITH JUST SECONDS
LEFT TO  LIVE
(FRIGHTENING !)





AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...


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Jenny the Horse!



My wife said (very calmly), "I found a paper in your pocket
with the name Jenny on it."
I replied, "I placed a bet on a race last week
and Jenny was the name of my horse."
Obviously, my trusting wife told me she was sorry and made my favourite dinner. 

The next day my wife hit me with the frying pan (again.)
I yelled, "What now..?"

She answered, "Your horse is on the Phone!!!!" 



AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

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Sunday

Saturday

Bless Her! Anything I can do to help?


Funny Boob sneezejpg
I said to my wife, "Honey, how come you never sneeze like that?"

She said, "Sneeze like what?"

I said, "Like this!"  click on the red link below.


(It may take a few seconds to load- but worth it!)
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http://digg.com/d31KdVX

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Bless Her!!!




and that's when the fight started...

Thursday

Boob Proof!






After a few pints at the local pub I arrived home and said to my wife, "I never knew this. I am so glad my friends provided me information that can help me more properly use the English language."


She said, "What are you talking about?"


I said, "There is a right way and a wrong way to pronounce Oklahoma!

 The Proper Way is: ‘ Okla . . Homa’ 

There’s a pause between the ‘a’ and the ‘h’."


She said, "No way!"

I said, "I can prove it!"

So I took her to the pub to meet my new friend.

.
.
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and that's when the fight started...

Last Cookie!


Fresh Cookies



There was an elderly man at home, upstairs, dying in bed.
He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, 
crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies.

With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his 
withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.

"Don't touch those!" she said, "They are for the funeral."


and that's when the fight started...

(not much of a fight though!)

Bigamy




My wife suspected that my divorce from my first wife was not legal and that I was still lawfully married to her.

"Do you know the punishment for bigamy?, she asked.

I replied, "Two Mother-in-laws."


and that's when the fight started...

Listless sex life






Tired of my listless sex life, I came right out and asked my wife during a recent love-making session,
"How come you never tell me when you have an 
orgasm?"

She glanced at me casually and replied,
"You're never home!"


and that's when the fight started...

Wonder Bra!





I asked my wife, "Do you know why they named it the "wonder bra?"


She said, "No!"

I said,  "When you take it off, I wonder where the boobs went."





and that's when the fight started...


Anything I want!


The other day I came home and was greeted by my wife, dressed only in very sexy underwear and holding a couple of short velvet ropes. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So, I tied her up and went fishing.




and that's when the fight started...





Wednesday

Fooling Around


My wife and I had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. We decided to try one last time for the son we always wanted.

My wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. I rushed to the nursery to see my new son. I was horrified at the ugliest child I had ever seen.

 "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

My wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"



and that's when the fight started...

Tuesday

Rejected!





The famous Sydney Opera House: there's not normally that many naked people standing in front of it!


I was one of the 5,200 naked people who embraced each other on the steps of Sydney’s iconic Opera House on Monday for a photo shoot by Spencer Tunick.
(The one in the middle)


My wife asked me why she wasn't in it?


 I replied, "Your application was rejected."




and that's when the fight started...

Monday

Silence is not always Golden!


Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?

Husband: Let's stand in silence for 2 minutes.


and that's when the fight started...